In a stunning announcement that has rocked the Las Vegas Strip, MGM revealed plans to build a new Bellagio tower. And not just any tower—a 500-foot giant cowbell-shaped structure that will rise proudly in the center of the iconic Bellagio fountains. The news that Bellagio is building a giant cowbell tower has hit the strip with a thunderous clunk.
The daring move comes as Hard Rock has broken ground on its guitar-shaped tower where the former Mirage currently stands. Industry insiders say this is the latest shot fired in what locals are now calling the “Las Vegas Musical Instrument Towers Race.” (LVMTAR)
“We Just Felt It Needed More Cowbell,” Says Bellagio Exec
At a press conference on Tuesday, Bellagio spokesperson Clarabelle Humbucker revealed that the decision was driven by what the hotel saw as a glaring omission in the Las Vegas skyline. “Las Vegas has always been about spectacle, and while a guitar tower is nice, it just didn’t quite resonate with us,” Humbucker said, smirking. “We asked ourselves, what would really set us apart? Then it hit us. What could be more rock ‘n’ roll than a giant cowbell?”
Humbucker noted that the rooms will have “state-of-the-art technology,” including a button guests can press to hear Will Ferrell quotes while in the shower. “Our guests deserve something that will leave them both breathless and slightly confused,” she added.
A Cowbell Fountain Show Is in Development
Sources at Bellagio’s headquarters also confirmed that the famed fountains will be revamped to include a synchronized cowbell show. According to plans, the cowbell tower will play an instrumental version of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” as the fountains perform a carefully choreographed routine in time with the “dong” of the giant bell, sending water hundreds of feet in the air with each hit.
“Some people thought our fountains couldn’t get any better,” Humbucker commented. “We’re here to prove those people wrong, and maybe give them a mild hearing loss in the process.”
The Hard Rock, for its part, remains unfazed. “We wish the Bellagio all the best with their cowbell,” said a spokesperson. “After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But I think we all know the guitar tower will hit a higher note.” Rumors that Hard Rock is secretly adding a second bass guitar-shaped tower are unconfirmed.
Local Reaction is Mixed
Las Vegas residents, known for being unphased by nearly anything, were unusually polarized by the cowbell announcement. “It’s so absurd it just might work,” said one man sporting a “More Cowbell” T-shirt. “Plus, I heard there’s a secret VIP button that lets you make the bell ring on command. For $20,000, I’m in.”
Not everyone is on board, though. Some residents worry that the cowbell could set a dangerous precedent for Strip architecture. “What’s next? A giant triangle building that goes ‘ding’ every hour? And the High Roller observation wheel would make a good bass drum, wouldn’t it?” grumbled local singer Karen Kappella. “They’re calling this the LVMTAR, but where does it end?”
What’s Next? Bellagio’s Secret Plans for a “Giant Glitter Cannon”
Leaked documents suggest the Bellagio isn’t stopping at the cowbell tower. Plans for a glitter cannon that would fire every hour on the hour have surfaced, though Bellagio reps declined to comment on any specifics. One blueprint, titled “Operation: Six String Sparkle” shows a 30-foot cannon aimed directly at the Hard Rock’s guitar tower.
At the end of the day, the city of Las Vegas seems to be embracing its absurdist tendencies with gusto. “Las Vegas has never been about subtlety, and we don’t intend to start now,” said Humbucker as the press conference wrapped. “So, for those about to rock, we salute you… and we will give the Strip what it truly needs—more cowbell.”
**This article is satire…. we think that is obvious, but someone will probably not understand our terrible jokes, so we will spell it out…. this is a fake article**
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